Below are the 9 most recent journal entries recorded in simgenessar's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, June 21st, 2005
11:28 pm	Close your eyes, make a wish This could last forever If only you could stay with me now Tell me what it is that keeps us from each other,now It's coming to get me You're under my skin No, I can't let you go You're a part of me now Caught by the taste of your kiss And I don't wanna know the reason why I can't stay forever like this Now I'm climbing the walls cuz I miss you Take my hand, take my life Just don't take forever Let me feel your pain kept inside There's gotta be a way You and I together, now Yeah, it's coming to get me You're under my skin No, I can't let you go You're a part of me now Caught by the taste of your kiss And I don't wanna know the reason why I can't stay forever like this Now, I'm climbing the walls cuz I miss you It's an illusion, how can I feel this way If I can't have you It's an illusion, nothing is real this way If I can't have you No, I can't let you go You're a part of me now Caught by the taste of your kiss(I don't wanna know) And I don't wanna know the reason why I(I) can't stay forever like this Now I'm climbing the walls cuz I miss you(you) I can't let you go, no And I don't wanna know the reason why I can't stay forever like this No... Now I'm climbing the walls cuz I miss you... "Climbing the Walls" by Backstreet Boys, from their new and great album "Never Gone"! Current Mood: nostalgic Current Music: Climbing the Walls (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 2nd, 2005
6:45 pm	God I hate it when someone snaps at you because "something is not going as they want it to" or there is a problem with their life. No one gives you the right to f.ck my day up, if you are not feeling good, then just lock yourself in your room or something. Cuz you have no right to fill my being with anger. Grrrrr Current Mood: angry Current Music: smooth-santana feat. rob thomas (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 1st, 2005
2:12 pm	Today is the day I realized that going back to Turkey won't mean that everything will be better. Current Mood: crappy Current Music: Belki- Demir Demirkan (Comment on this)
Monday, May 30th, 2005
8:56 pm	alriiiight! You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational. </td> Cultural Creative 100% Idealist 75% Postmodernist 69% Romanticist 63% Existentialist 63% Fundamentalist 44% Modernist 44% Materialist 31% What is Your World View? (updated) created with QuizFarm.com (Comment on this)
Friday, May 27th, 2005
11:57 am	Ben hic ogrenmicem! Salaklik tavanda masallah! Ben hic ogrenmicem hic! Current Mood: angry at myself (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, May 22nd, 2005
11:57 am	Interesting Night! Last night, I stayed at the Turkish family-in Buffalo-'s house. First of all, the boys are amazing! They are five and nine and they are the cutest boys ever! Yesterday evening, we had a couple and their daughter over for dinner. The couple, they are very interesting people, it's great to have a conversation with them, they are very open-minded also. Then I got to help the five year old,Ates, to get ready for bed, he was adorable. This is like the third time I stayed over here and it was the first time Ates let me put him to bed. I even read him a story! I helped him get changed too. I don't have a younger sibling, so these kinds of things are precious for me. It was exhausting but great! Then I watched an episode of coupling which was hilarious as usual, Patrick's car didn't work! zuahaha I had interesting, very weird dreams last night. It was a bit scary but fine. "Did I say that I loathe you? Did I say that I want to.. Leave it all behind?" The Blower's Daughter Current Mood: calm Current Music: The Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, May 20th, 2005
12:46 pm	Here I am in the school library during my study hall. Again. This week was a very busy week. Tuesday night I went to the movies with Melinda, just the two of us. Lots of girly talks:) We saw Monster-in-law which was way better than I expected. Jennifer Lopez wasn't so bad. We had a lot of fun. On Wednesday afternoon I gave a presentation in the International Club meeting at my school. I showed the people pictures from my life in Turkey. A certain nose-pierced-to-be was in the pictures of course.eh eh. It was a nice presentation. Then at night I went to the Kiwanis Awards Ceremony in the auditorium at my school. I got two awards,one is Business the other is English. I was sooo happy. My English teacher is retiring this year and I'm very sad for future West Seneca East students because they won't be able to be in his class. Mr. Rizzone is amazing. I'll never forget him or his class. Then yesterday, Thursday morning, I took TOEFL at UB(University of Buffalo for people who don't know). It was OK. I kinda rushed, I was pretty bored. And the funny thing is they gave only half an hour for the essay. I didn't write the best essay in the world but it was OK.I'm happy that I got that test over with cause my undergrad program requires it and i'd have to take it in August in Turkey if I didn't take it here. Last night there was the KEY Club Relay for Life(fundraiser for cancer societies) Talent Show. It was pretty informal and it was like a party cuz most of the audience was students. We had a lot of fun and raised 700 dollars. I think the show filled its purpose, which is great. Today I woke up in the morrrrniiiing, my mom didn't go to work today so she was home,it was so nice having her home in the morning. I have never been a person who would say mothers must wake up in the morning and prepare breakfast for their family or whatever but it's very nice seeing a loved one in the morning, it boosts up your morale in the "blind of the morning" ehehe. Tomorrow I'll go to Buffalo to stay with a Turkish family I know. On Sunday night I'll be back I think. DON'T BE LAZY AND LEAVE COMMENTS:) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, May 16th, 2005
12:47 pm	Bekledigimden cok farkli bir haftasonu....(Turkceye geri donus) Bu yazimi Turkce yazacagim. Okul kutuphanesinde herkesin gelip bakabilecegi bir ekrana, haftasonumu yazmanin pek uygun olmayacagina karar verdim. Hayatin bizlere bir sey anlatmak veya ogretmek icin kendine ozgu yollari var, gercekten. Gectigimiz cuma gunu, inanilmaz keyifsiz ve moralsizdim; cunku haftasonumun igrenc gececeginden emindim. Aslinda bir AFSli olarak oyle dusunmemem gerektigini bilmem gerekirdi.(Gerci simdi biliyorum ki regli oncesiymis, yani bir bahanem var eheheh- ciddi yaziya geri donus!) Bir AFSli olarak gorunenin arkasina, beklentinin ilerisine gecebilmeliydim; ama hepimizin moralsiz zamanlari var iste. Ilginc bir haftasonu gecirdim. Cuma aksami kimse yoktu evde ve ilk basta cidden moralsizdim. Sonra bir seyler izledim ve internette bi tiple konustum, zaman oldurdum, iyi geldi bana; cunku bazen sacma seylerle vakit gecirmenin insana iyi gelebilecegini gormus oldum yeniden.(Aren't we feeling philosophical todaaay!ehehe) Cumartesi sabahi, iyi bir uyku cektikten sonra gunume basladim. Gun icinde yaptigim sadece odamla ugrasmakti, genel olarak. Esyalarimi ayirmaya calistim, hangileri Turkiye'ye donme serefine erisecek hangileri arkamdan aglayacak diye.(Tabagimda biraktigim pirinc tanelerine ek olarak...) Ve inaniniz kiii, acayip uyuz edici bi islemdi. En sonunda da pek bir ilerleme kaydedemedim, uzulerek soyluyorum ki... Aksama bi programim vardi ama iptal oldu, iptal olmasina uzulmedim cunku arkadasim iyi hissetmiyordu kendini ve gidilecek olan filmi sevmeyecegimi biliyordum. Saat 10 gibi erkek kardesimin bir iki arkadasi geldi bizim eve, annem ve babam sehir disindaydi haftasonu icin ve bu da bizim evi parti icin cok uygundu. Ben odamdaydim ve tum gun evden disari adim atmamistim, kendimi cok sosyal hissetmiyordum anlayacaginiz uzere. Kendi kendime moral bozdum, dusundum ki disari cikip onlara katilsam, uyum saglayamam diye dusundum. Artik cok gec oldugunu... Tam bir livejournal yazisi yazarken, moralim bozuk bir sekilde, erkek kardesimin arkadasi- okuldan da tanisiyoruz- kapimi tiklatti. "Simge benim, girebilir miyim?" dedi, ben de dedim: "Cigerim gir tabi de oda savas alani gibi"...Hayir hayir aynen bu sekilde soylemedim. Iceri girebilecegini ve odanin hali yuzunden ozur diledigimi soyledim. Sonra iceri girdi, dedi naber falan. Resimlerime bakti. Dedim bu Wisconsin'deki arkadasim. Once Amerikali sandi o tatli sahsi sonra dedim yok o muhtesem bi Turk ve AFSli benim gibi diye. Sonra diger resimlere baktik ve acikladim o resimleri. Dedi ki sonra:" Cekinme, gel bizimle otur". Moralim bozuktu ve kendime acima modundaydim ama reddedicek kadar salak da degildim yani. Sonra gittim aralarina oturdum.. Kendime bi bira aldim. Yaklasik sekiz dokuz kisiydik. Benim birayi aldigimi gorunce sok oldular. Kocaman gozlerle dediler ki:" Simge sen icki iciyo muyduuuuuun!" dedim "eveeet, neden icmiyorum sandiniz ki?" dediler "Sen okulda falan hep 'duzgun kiz'sin o yuzden icmiyordur zannettik". Erkek kardesimin bir arkadasi daha geldi, ben de tam birami bitirmistim ve useniyordum kalkip bir tane daha almaya. Dolabi acti, ben bira alicak zannettim. Bana da bir tane getirmesini soyledim. Megersem Dr.Pepper aliyormus kendisine, sordu ben de mi bi tane istiyorum diye. Ben dedim "hayir, bira". Ve al sana iki kocaman goz daha! "Sim icki mi iciyooo!" oldu ve ben yeniden saskinligimi belirttim benim icki icmedigimi dusundukleri icin. Dahasi da var. Baska biri aradi, gelmeden once. Ve ona benim icki ictigimi soylediler, cocuk benimle konusmak istedi eheheh... Keske daha once soyleseydin, ne guzel eglenirdik falan dedi, ben de keyif zirve tabi! Hem guzel bir aksam gecirdim, hem bu insanlara onlardan cok farkli olmadigimi gosterdim, hem kendime insanlarin arasina kaynayabilecegimi-hala- gosterdim.... Hem de icip cakirkeyif oldum. Mis Misss!!Gece iki bucuktu herkes gittiginde... Pazar aksami, cumartesi aksami gorusemedigim arkadasimlaydim. Melinda, erkek arkadasi, Lisa(Melinda'nin arkadasi) ve Lisa'nin erkek arkadasi Dave ileydim. Film izledik beraber. Lisa ve Dave ile dun tanistim. Cok rahat insanlar, acayip hosuma gitti, cunku bence arkadaslik oyle olmali. Robin Williams'in The Final Cut filmini izledik, bence oldukca ilginc bir konuyu yanlis islemisler. Robin Williams'in oyunculugunu seviyorum hala... Uzun lafin kisasi, bekledigimden cok farkli bir haftasonu gecirdim. Eskiden ogrendigim bazi derslerin tekrarini yapmis gibi hissediyorum:) Moralimi duzeltmek icin sonsuz caba sarfeden sayin Damla Ozdemir, sana tesekkur ediyorum. Inanilmaz bir arkadassin! Current Mood: content Current Music: Kargo-Renklerin Icinde(dinleyebilseydim bunu dinlerdim su an (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 12th, 2005
8:13 pm	Not a bad day after all... Last night I had the strangest dreams. I was back in Turkiye(I hate writing Turkey) and for some reason I couldn't contact my host family and it felt horrible. Then in another one I saw some old friends from middle school and my first high school, the one in Denizli. Especially the one from middle school, I didn't see him in ages and I was never best friends with him to begin with but he hugged me and it felt amazing in a friendly way. I felt like I was, kinda, at home. I saw a couple of other friends who I felt great to be able to see again. I think what my subconscious is trying to tell me is that I can't let people go. When I make a connection, no matter what happens, I just want to go back and care for them, make them happy and have them do the same for me. I love it that I'm very emotional but it can be so heartbreaking at the same time. Damla, I would love to talk to you about these things, if it's OK, when I feel comfortable. The last time we talked on the internet and on the phone, I felt like you could really understand me and it felt great to be understood. So many issues are unsolved in my mind and I feel like I have to deal with them sometime and live my life with more innerpeace. Do you have issues like that? Today after school my friend Melinda picked me up and then her boyfriend Bryan and his friend Greg joined us. First we went to a local taco place then we went bowling and although we spent just a couple of hours together, we had a GREAT time! They are proof of how appearance means nearly nothing. They are great people. Current Mood: calm Current Music: Darren Hayes- In Your Eyes( Peter Gabriel cover) (Comment on this)